Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
