we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
