How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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