I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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