Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize