no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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