I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
