Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god it's open bar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
