YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
