At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
