woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
