Apparently you make a good broom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
