i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
