i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize