I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
