You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
