Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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