I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
