I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
