how can u be prego again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
