I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
