in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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