some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
