I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize