Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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