Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
