i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
