Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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