I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
