Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize