ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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