I wanna passion pit in your ass
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
