Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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