i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
