This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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