There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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