I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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