i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
