Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
