I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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