Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
