Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
