I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
