marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
