Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
