hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
