Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
