conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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