she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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