i'm lost and i look like a hooker
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
