i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
