My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
