I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
