Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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