why didn't you poke me back
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
