i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
