Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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