if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
