Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
