All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
