this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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