so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
