she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize