also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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