I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
