wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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