Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
