I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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