also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
