That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
