you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize